“Repair” Your Inner Resources And Support
The essential thing in any problematic, impasse, or incomprehensible situation is “to pump up” your skills and inner resources, life supports. These include learning something new and exciting, work, friendship, and relationships with relatives, your image.
But the paradox is that in such a difficult situation as divorce, people often postpone work on themselves. They think: “I’ll deal with parting now (I’ll grief for some time, I’ll discuss my pain with friends or just get my mind off my troubles) and then ill take active actions” or they start looking for a coach or a wise advisor to discuss the situation. In fact – to calm themselves and to place the blame on the ex. It often turns out impossible to explain everything at once, so they have to consider it again and again.
Chatter replaces the activities that are urgently needed right now. Chatter is a way to adapt to a situation, creating defenses: rationalization, intellectualization, building illusions. That is, chatter consolidates the situation but does not solve the problem. Never philosophize when you need to act. Take action.
However, your actions should not be directed to the epicenter of the event, but to strengthen your life supports. Any open conflict means that you have exhausted all your influence potential, you cannot influence a former partner, and you have to admit this.
When a person begins to pump some inner resource himself (by an effort of will, not because of the random circumstances), he becomes stronger and feels sturdy. “I am. I can change something in my life,” – this action is sometimes called “moving out of your comfort zone.” It gives a striking effect, it makes you confident, and people around you feel it too, although an illusion like “well, I will show him!” or “let him regret it” should not be your motive. You do it only for yourself, you try to reclaim yourself, and divorce anyway (no matter whose initiative was) is an accurate indicator that the time has come.
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While Repairing Your Home
So, your way to distract from the problems should be in practical actions and not in the desire to disengage or escape from reality, making illusions. That is why psychologists advise those who have gone through a divorce to change jobs, take up a new hobby, improve their image, or – to start a repair.
It would seem that divorce and repair both are two pretty stressful situations. Nevertheless, the main thing in a divorce situation is not to concentrate on the past, and a change of scenery is a great way to focus on the present, on something that depends on you, on specific actions. At the same time, it will be a substantial contribution to your new future.
Transforming and redesigning your home, a place where you spend a lot of time in a way you could feel as comfortable and inspired as possible – a great start to creating actual conditions in which you will be more pleasant and more convenient to implement the further higher goals.
Complete Case shares the main tips you should bear in mind while starting a repairment as a way to cope with divorce stress:
Have A Positive Attitude
Do not take repair as some magical ritual. Your goal is to return your locus of control inward, and not rely on higher powers that must thank you for some actions. It would help if you wanted to meet changes, not to pretend that you wish to this. And the only way you can cope with divorce and get out of this inner conflict, more happy and wise person. You are the only one who owes you something. Just think about what you want, how you see your future life, what you are going to change in your image and lifestyle, and what should be in the house to help you on this new path.
Do Not Be Afraid Of Appearing Too Dramatic
All the things like having a new, unusual haircut, going on trips, doing extreme sports, or painting the town red have become the stereotypes of what people usually do after the breakup. Please ignore it; do not evaluate yourself based only on public opinion if you feel you need fundamental changes, to do it, regardless of how predictable they may seem. We are all human beings and often act similarly in stressful situations, and it is natural.
Clear The Space For The Future
Start from cleaning your home from the unnecessary stuff – through away, sell, exchange, donate. Do you breathe free in your home? Do not feel sorry for the things, clothes, trinkets, keepsakes. Real memories are not in situations – memories are in your mind. Your home should be spacious and comfortable, and space should be organized as efficiently as possible so you would not feel mired wallowing in routine and self-pity. You can use the KonMari method or any else, but simplifying and organizing your home is necessary before the repair. Without unnecessary “noise,” you will understand what exactly you want from the upcoming repair and redesign.
Do Not Act Just Against Your Ex-spouse’s Taste
There is no sense to throw away some things just because your ex-partner used to like them. Listen to yourself.
Otherwise, if your ex has a good aesthetic taste, acting only in defiance of his or her preferences, you can eventually find yourself in a very eccentric or even ugly interior. Know when to shop around.
Do Something With Your Own Hands
Physical work is the best therapy, of course, if you do something with purpose, enthusiasm, and a real inspiration. Think about it – psychologists are not without reason send people who experience stress to the gym. Even though it is useful if you have enough money to hire all the required workers, at least try to learn something new and do some part of the repair by yourself. What you create, design, or fix yourself will always be a unique, meaningful thing, which will remind you of how you have built your new life once.
What Is An Online Divorce?
You can complete forms, negotiate with your spouse, and submit legal documents all online. Online divorce is possible, but you need to get it right.